Finding grace and gratitude: Knowing ourselves and accepting our un-inspirational selves. A twist on the usual.
In the last few days I have noticed something about me and the kind of support I often offer to people. It happened this way- this is the deeply abridged version :-)
One of my soul sisters and I were talking about this Navy Seal guy who was being described to me as “so inspirational.” I was listening but I noticed that I was losing attention, getting slightly perturbed, and maybe even rolling my eyes a little bit. My friend was talking about what he said and how he encourages people to push and push through their limits, and push beyond those limits to achieve whatever goals they may have around exercise and body and eating and so on. I realized then- as I have before - that inspirational stories worry me. I realize this is not a popular thing to say and of course I am moved by triumph and inspiration as much as the next person ( but not to motivate me.) But in the main- inspirational stories that are about others’ great accomplishments make me a certain kind of queasy:)
I know that many inspired and gifted people deliver inspirational quotes and thoughts daily and that those tidbits of hope and healing are helpful in millions of ways. This is evidenced by how many quotes are circulated on the internet and the myriad social media avenues of which we avail ourselves: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and the like. That kind of inspiration seems entirely different to me. Probably because I believe that the diet of words, thoughts, feelings, and intentions with which engage the world on a daily basis have an untold impact on how we feel about ourselves and the world beyond ourselves.
That all said - I am not a huge fan of inspirational stories that are meant to motivate - in fact they rub me the wrong way ;) I worry for the people who consume a diet of others’ inspiring stories and the way those stories can leave people feeling disheartened and defeated.
I feel like inspirational stories of people’s triumphs often make most of us mere mortals feel abundantly inadequate. If we were feeling rough or badly before - well, listening to how Jane lost both her legs and managed to become a celebrated marathon runner - leaves us feeling like we ought to throw in the towel before we even begin. I say this tongue and cheek - of course - but I believe it. I’ve seen hundreds of clients suffer from the disease known as endless comparing and in the face of heroic measures of inspirational glory they don’t stand a chance.
Many (can I say most?) people have difficulty managing their own lives, struggle to live lives that are imbued with senses of authenticity, calm, purpose, joy, and balance. So many people endure trauma, need to learn to love themselves, have issues that need thoughtful attention, and have bagage that both needs unpacking as well as discarding that I am honestly left to wonder how inspirational stories help in any of that? On some days so many of us cannot find our ways out of paper bags it seems tortuous to compare us to the rare heroes of triumph over the ridiculously difficult. In large measure it just makes us feel worse. Have you ever heard yourself saying - “omg I can’t even manage to get to the gym 3x a week let alone become the foremost athlete of the planet who has overcome such immense obstacles.”
My experience as a teacher, lecturer, and therapist over many years suggests that accepting who we are for our flawed, perhaps uninspired selves is a far more loving and hopeful endeavour.
Not comparing ourselves to others could be the first act of triumph we accomplish only seconded by finding grace and gratitude in what we have going for us in the small moments of our regular lives.
You all hear me right? Who the hell cares about summiting Everest with hands tied behind backs - while we are trying to make it happily through one single day?? For some people it’s one single moment that needs their attention. Again, tongue and cheek, but you’re getting the point ;)
The hundreds of clients that I have had who are anxious - who are overtaken and preoccupied by questions of the future with “what if’s,” and “what’s going to happens,” and “what will I dos ...” are far better served by learning to love the moment, accept the moment, be in the moment, than to get lost in comparisons that make them feel worse.
So maybe we can find our inspiration in ourselves and in the beautiful, little, uninspired moments of our regular days and our regular lives - lives replete with all kinds of chaos. Maybe we can work at being happy or work at a contented life by considering it inspirational to put one foot in front of the other - to find peace in the simple pleasures of the everyday - and to hold hope for a happy and healthy today? Just a thought.
For those of you who love inspirational stories of triumph and for whom they inspire a better sense of self and happiness, I salute you and say - don’t let me get in your way. For the rest of you, I suggest..